By Julia Amting
I’m going to be honest with you all. Blogging is a thing I have struggled with quite a bit in the last couple months, as I’ve tried to learn the ropes and write truths that people would actually read, would actually enjoy, would actually be inspired by. I struggle as I write, to put thoughts into words that might actually make more sense in my head than on paper, and could very well be complete nonsense. I question why the Lord wanted me to start a project that sometimes just feels like a job. I think this is because anything I put on here, is out there for the world’s criticism, the world’s judgement. And I have tried to figure out what the root exactly is of why I struggle with this so much.
We all have this innate desire to be great. To do amazing things for God, and live a beautiful life that leads others to Him. That was my original intention with starting this blog, to allow Him to work through my words, and try to nurture a talent I have. But this desire is easily warped by our fallen nature into a different and worldly desire to seem great. Also known as vanity. It is so very important to keep this awareness of our intentions, to be honest with ourselves about whose glory we are actually working for – our own, or God’s?
Because you see, God has given us every talent, every capability to think, every capability to do anything, any desire for good, and the strength to put in that effort to do that good, merely because He’s our creator! How ridiculous it is to think that we deserve to be praised for our works or our faith when it is God who has given us every capability to do anything good, to have faith, to have free will. Because He is the ultimate source of all good things.
The difference between the concepts of being great and seeming great is this. Being great is something that comes from God, learning to find true fulfillment and happiness in Him. Seeming great, or vanity, is something that is totally dependent on others opinions of us or our capabilities or our work. See the difference?
“I’m a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world.”
/// Mother Teresa ///
True humility is a thing that runs so much deeper, and is so much more confusing than we think.
I started this adventure in writing with the idea of furthering the Kingdom, but it becomes me wanting to get recognition for furthering the Kingdom. This could be similar to how often we go to church, or prayer. Like sometimes we want to pray to be able to talk about how much we pray, as shallow as that sounds. I feel sometimes we try to be humble to get recognition for being humble.(which isn’t actually humility at all.) Or going to church to get recognition for going to church. You get the idea, it’s all so we can be seen. And you have to be very very honest with yourself to recognize something like this. And nobody will be able to point it out in you, you can really only find it in yourself. I think this is especially difficult for us to recognize in ourselves because our culture is constantly impressing upon us this necessity for recognition. To get likes, to be liked, to be seen.
Often, I think we get so caught up in this idea of “being an inspiration”. Our human nature turns to the idea that we want to be praised and seen and imitated, instead of genuinely imitating the humility of Christ, which has absolutely nothing to do with recognition. I’m by no means undermining our calling to be lights to the world by our example. But we need to remember where that light comes from.
I think this is especially difficult for us to recognize in ourselves because our culture is constantly impressing upon us this necessity for recognition. To get likes, to be liked, to be seen.
Maybe we need to not be so caught up in being an inspiration to other people, and putting our desires there, but asking the Lord to let us love Him, to share Him, truly and genuinely, without worrying about how inspired others will be by us. We are called to approach the Lord simply. Not to worry about seeming great, but simply being great. No worries, God will spread His light and love through your actions if you allow your devotion to Him to be genuine, and allow yourself to be the pencil in His mighty hand.
All Glory be to Him, forever and ever.