By Julia Amting
So this morning was a snow day. And, as cheesy as it sounds, I firmly believe that snow days are for sleeping in and dreaming dreams.
This morning, I was also thinking about the current disastrous state of my room.. About 7 mugs are on my nightstand from a week of studying til midnight, books are all over the floor from finals, laundry is piled in the corner, birthday presents that haven’t yet been given the dignity of being pulled out of matted tissue paper are stuffed in a corner.
My room tends to be a reflection of my mind. If it’s clean and organized, my head is clean and organized. Currently, the mess of clothes and shoes now representing mountains is a pretty good representation of how life is feeling right about now, recent thoughts and events that I have yet to organize and process and put in their proper places.
And what am I doing about it right now?
Writing about it.
I haven’t written any new content in weeks. Why? Because school and scholarships and messy rooms and friendships and work and the unending list of commitments have taken priority. Which, in many cases, they should. After all, I am a human being with a real existence as well as an internet existence.
However, I’ve put so many of my blogging aspirations aside because life got too busy. And in my head, I’ve justified it that way for a long time. However, the other day I read a CS Lewis quote that hit hard.
“If we let ourselves, we shall always be waiting for some distraction or other to end before we can really get down to our work. The only people who achieve much are those who want knowledge so badly that they seek it while the conditions are still unfavorable. Favorable conditions never come.”
Sometimes, there are things more important than having a clean room, an organized life. Like doing what you love. Like taking care of yourself. Like having coffee with a friend and making the world a better place whether it is by your words or your actions. Like writing that book or actually doing morning prayer in the morning. Learning languages and reading books for fun.
I have this idea in my head that someday the perfect circumstances, or person, will come to help me to grow into who I’ve always wanted to be, to do the things I’ve always wanted to do. But the thing is, they don’t. At least not how or when I expect them to.
And I get it. It sucks because we get so tired. I so often let the life I lead begin to lead me, and drag me along that never-ending list of obligations and to-do lists.
Life is messy, my room is messy, and I’m learning through trial and error to be okay with it. To go with the ebbs and flows and ups and downs.
I often have had this misunderstanding of God and His Grace: that He gives it when I pull my act together. After I put on my big girl pants, get down to work on fixing myself and become good enough to succeed. And I fail. And become discouraged. And the mess keeps piling up as does my guilty conscience.
I’m learning now how wrong that is. How Grace seeps through the cracks and goes under and around and before and after the mess, penetrating it, penetrating ME. He’s not waiting for me to clean my room, He wants to help me do it. Or help me to stop being discouraged by the distraction, put my hair in a messy bun and serve Him.
There’s a time for all of it. There’s a time for messy rooms and a time for clean rooms. A time when something is important and when it is nothing but a distraction to what the Lord is calling you to. There is a time for work and a time for rest and the messy process of finding this balance consists of dropping one way or another on the scale sometimes.
He wants to live with you in the mess, because HE knows that balance and wants to help you find it. He wants to enter in. Let Him enter in.